Christine-Marsh Journal

Ok, I've just about had it with being a single parent. Single in all the ways that matter, anyway. I love taking care of my daughter, but I need help once in a while.

To make matters worse, my landlord is a jerk, he and I just can't get along. I wouldn't be surprised if he kicks me out one of these days, we fight that much.

But when Benjamin is home, he's wonderful! I love him so much, and I really miss him when he's on the road.

We were both thrilled that he was home when Fame had her birthday. She's so beautiful!

Benjamin immediately bonded with her, and spent the day teaching her to walk. They're so cute together. I just wish we could be a normal family, and that he didn't have to hide us away like his dirty little secrets.

Unfortunately, his time off didn't last long. He's back on tour with his band. But he made it on the cover of Rockstar magazine! And I'm a Restauranteur, only one promotion away from becoming a Celebrity Chef. It's all very exciting!

I can't say I'm too thrilled with his groupies, however. Girls call him day and night, and follow his bus around everywhere! I will be happy when his agent says we can get married and he can claim his family properly. And I can claim him properly, too!

Oh Diary, why does life have to be so hard?

Because of our careers, our agents have recommended that my fiance, Benjamin and I "separate" ourselves out in public. Ben really wants to top the Music career, right now he's a Studio Musician, but he has high hopes to be a Rock Star some day! I want to be a Celebrity Chef, so having a hot fiance won't stop me. But according to his agent, a beautiful girlfriend isn't good for his "image". So we eat at separate tables when we go out.

A while ago, we had a romantic night side by side at our own tables at a little hotel Downtown. I had been drinking pretty heavily, I was so depressed. I hated not being with the man I love. So anyway, we ended up renting a room upstairs, just for the thrill of it.

It was hardly worth it that evening though, I must have gotten some bad dinner rolls or something, because I was sick as a dog shortly after.

And then I got fat, too! Ok, I knew I was pregnant. But I was not happy about it. At all. How was I supposed to hide my relationship with Ben now?

Of course, as soon as I set eyes on our beautiful baby girl, Fame, I knew it would all work out. She's my life, my heart. I'll make a darn good mother. Ben's career be darned.

He's a great Dad, too. But he's still awfully distracted by his work. I'm afraid of what this means for our future, I don't mind being in his shadow, but I don't want that for our daughter. She has to come first, or I'm taking her and leaving him.